Moment of panic

My period was due today and it has not arrived, I swear I’ve spent most of the day checking to make sure i’m not spotting.

Anyhoo A and I were out at the supermarket today and whilst we were walking around I had a pretty decent cramp and I freaked out, I though it was the bitch arriving and I was at a shopping centre so I couldn’t exactly abandon A and the trolley to race to the toilet to check. So I didn’t say anything to A and we continued to shop. Slowly feelings of dread set in. I picked up a chocolate lindt bunny just incase I need to eat my feelings when we got home. A picked the cue and we walked up to the checkout and the lady in front of us has a little baby in a capsule in the trolley in front of me. I have a quick peak and try to ignore the cute goo and gah sounds the adorable thing is making. Then another women joins the cue behind us and guess what… She has 2 curly haired, brown eyed toddlers in her trolley. Holy crap the panic begins I can feels the tears start to well in my eyes. I blink them away and refrain from eye contact with the adorable little people and their parents. We quickly pay and I rush out of there.

This was the first time I have ever panic when I’ve seen kids around. It never normally makes me feel that way. I think it might be because we have our hopes completely up this cycle. I go on midwifery prac in a few weeks and I have no idea how I will cope.

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