Feeling blue

Im feeling blue tonight. Literally 30mins ago I was pretty stoked that I was finally understanding intracranial pressures and stuff and now I’m blue because I remembered my cousins wife is pregnant and Im not.

I wouldn’t wish infertility onto my worst enemy seriously. Though I do wish people could understand how it makes me feel. The longer I go without getting pregnant the more scared I get. I haven’t even had a feeling that maybe I was in over a year. What if all my insides are fucked and it will never happen.

There is a stupid ad on foxtel that mentions weird childless people. How long/how old are u before you fit into that category. What about the people who aren’t childless by choice. Why don’t people automatically think someone may be childless because they have gimpy insides that don’t work rather than they decided to not have kids and that is judged as weird?

Its starting baffle me why people thinks it ok to ask about our genitals. I am guilty of the aforementioned but I’ve realised how fucking rude it is and how it could possibly cause an anxiety reaction in that person. When someone asks me and I’ve yet to categorise them into a know or not know group I get full on racing heart, sweaty palms and facial flushing because I’m on a spot as to whether to say or not and I hate lying to people. What if the woman I ask like us they has been trying and has not yet succeeded and it makes them feel blue late on saturday nights or what if they lost a child.

Brain dump… sorry

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One thought on “Feeling blue

  1. go ahead and feel blue. it sucks wanting a baby and not having one. and we are all guilty of saying things we now regret, now that we’re on the other end of things. I struggle with being mad at people for saying stupid things and feeling like I need to teach them more appropriate questions. wishing you happier days. wishing you pregnancy.

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